adult drinks

oh kids they are so funny. at least they can make me laugh when i’m having a not so great few days. the other night i watched sophia. i was trying to get her to bed which wasn’t working so well and then out of no where she pops up with the fact that she needs a tissue. then goes “AMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY look at this big booger!!!!!!!” and i’m like “uh no thats gross sophia” she also did something and then giggled and said “that is your boobie” hah i was like oh man. this child. she tried to distract me and threw tantrums but all in all she fell asleep pretty quick. when i finally told her no about other things.

and yesterday at church casey who is the resident um crazy child. he brings me a pitcher from the play kitchen and says ” here i made you an adult drink” i started laughing and was like “uhh what?” so he told me it had coffee and juice and yucky stuff in it.

yesterday was just super frustrating well this whole weekend has been. i was trying to switch the title but it hasn’t worked so well so far just problem after problem. and i’m just so rawr and fed up with it.

and yesterday my family ugh they just really drive me crazy sometimes. i don’t know why they need to say things that tear me down and make me feel like crap. its so unnecessary and it frustrates me to no end. i’m the odd ball in the family so what if i don’t want to go to a park i mean if i do go they will scream at me saying why did you even come. happens every time. i don’t like looking at birds sue me why don’t you. they were all cmon come then said i have to change my clothes because birds will attack me or something. i was like well i’m not going and they also say this like 2 seconds before they are leaving and expect me to come.w ell sorry i already had plans with the boy and you wouldn’t want us there anyway. i’m just so tired of feeling like crap sometimes i don’t like it. and i don’t like feeling like nothing is every good enough for them. they make me feel like such a huge disappointment when they say crap like they do.

i just don’t really know what to do or say with them a lot of the time. it just won’t ever be the right thing for them. but i don’t know what the right thing for them is. the right thing for me is a completely different thing than what they think. but i guess then again they don’t really know me. they think they do but they don’t. its just so incredibly frustrating and i’m tired of fearing sometimes that they won’t like decisions i make about relationships and other stuff. like sometimes it just really terrifies me that i’ll be yelled at about it. for instance the boy wants to put me on his phone plan and get me a new phone and pay for it all. it will be cheaper than what he pays now. and honestly i really kind of like that idea cause my money is dwindling down and Verizon is so expensive. but i kinda fear what the parents will think. i dunno. its silly i guess. i’m just trying to work on getting a nanny job i have a listing that is typed up that i need to look over a bit and then i’ll post it places but i just hope i can get a nanny job sometime soon. ugh. i just want to be with the boy and be happy.

i guess the good thing is things with the boy are super amazing and i’m sometimes still so baffled about it. but more and more it is right and we both know it. yesterday we went on a walk for like 2 hours and it was so peaceful and so right. then we came back and i cooked us dinner. its so funny how fast we fell into this. but i love it for sure!

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