yesterday was not fun

so i was getting stuff done like i wanted to yesterday and i ran errands and came home i was gonna read a book i was reading blogs. then i heard a noise in the living room. i was home alone except for the dog. so i went to go investigate the noise…..

and i found the dog having a mild seizure so i was like oh crap. and i held it together for a bit but then it started freaking me out cause i thought it would never end i thought well what if she has to go somewhere. what if what if what if. i had no car and no one was home. so i tried doing the ice cream thing that i’m supposed. i thought she was gonna be fine but then she was gonna get up and bolt cause thats what they do and so i had to grab her and hold her and she was seizing again and jerking and it was just hard for me to deal with i kinda lost it. i couldn’t call the boy he was at school he couldn’t help me anyway. after the dog stopped seizing i called mom her phone wasn’t on and i was SO mad. so mad that i was alone and i called my dad he was at a meeting or was going to be i dunno and i was hysterically crying and you know that twitch little kids get when they cry so hard? yeah i had that. i was a big huge crazy mess. every noise she made i spazzed out cause i was so scared that another one was gonna happen.

but i was alone, and i couldn’t help it. i couldn’t stop it from happening and it really made me mad. i didn’t want it to happen i don’t want it to happen ever again but i can’t control it and honestly it makes me mad. REALLY mad. can i have a healthy dog for once? maybe just once? and i found out yesterday that my grandmas dog got put down too. i just rawr i’m so annoyed and mad and sad about all of it. i don’t want lilly my baby to have seizures i don’t want it and you can’t make me want it. it makes me mad and scared and i hate it. HATE it

i guess thats all i have to say for now. happy post eh? yeah thats what i thought too. all that crap was so emotionally taxing yesterday it only lingered today and i stabbed my finger with a pin it was good times. til next time suckas

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