300 posts and Jasons visit!

ugh so leading up to jasons visit here there was a lot of crap going on and non communication happening so at some points it was like why even bother with this whole thing. And now that hes gone its just really sad. I wish he lived here hes so much fun and I much prefer him over some of the boys other family. Jason is amazing though it amazes me how open he is. Its just something i’m not used to. With justin he basically doesn’t talk about anything at all which is one of the problems with our relationship. But jason is a total open book. It threw me off honestly. The only disappointing parts were he went off to do an audition and a class and we didn’t have ALL the time to spend with him. And we didn’t take any pictures with us together. Ah well.

haha the the first night jason was here we were in the boys bedroom. And jason was all “hey look at this” “i want to show you something” i don’t really remember which he said. but yeah.. And he unbuttoned his pants and I was like what the crap! But he had another pair of pants under the ones he was wearing. Haha it was so funny but he nearly scared me to death. But it also could be one of those “you had to be there” moments.

so saturday was my birthday and it was a really good day. We hung out and all of us went thrifting which was SO much fun. And then we also met up with a girl we knew from the internet. But the best part was we went to dinner at red robin. Mmmmm that place is the best. Love it. We had a lot of laughs and just in general a great time. I don’t really remember what else happened if anything else did. Just that jason had found this jacket at goodwill and we liked it. It was a little short in the arms but still looked good. So he was asking everyone about that jacket. And he even turned around and asked these two teenage girls about it cause they would give him an honest opinion haha. It was the best thing ever.

while jason was here it was brought up that I tend to not want to do a lot of things. I dont really like going downtown or doing other things. And last night I was talking to the boy and was just going over things in my head. I feel like I used to be outgoing and spontaneous. I used to just get up and go and not think much about the possibilities of bad things happening. But then in 2006 I got robbed at gun point in portland. And I feel like that changed me. It made me a lot more cautious and honestly paranoid. It woke me up but it also changed how I was as a whole. I don’t know if its good or if its bad really. Thats just what it is I suppose. I just don’t get up and go with a lot of things I have to warm up to ideas or get used to it in my head first. I feel like i’m crazy but I have reasons for the way I am. I just felt bad for when jason was here because I seemed like I didn’t want to do anything. But im really just paranoid in the end.

It was weird because when the boy and I were talking about our relationship and its not totally the best thing in the world right now. He seems to be super cranky and always snappy at me lately when I just try to talk about something to him. Its really sad and I don’t know why he is like that. A lot of things have been going through my head lately and its like hes two different people. He is in a lot of groups on facebook and he spends a lot of time on them. And its like hes one person with them and talks to all those people so much. But with me its completley different he is super cranky and not so nice the majority of the time. Its just sad but this past weekend I saw a different side.
Jason (the boys brother) was here and him and I seem to get a long a lot. We don’t try its just like that. And the boy was kinda sad about how him and I dont’ get a long like that and gave him a lot to think about as far as our relationship goes. Which is good. I think its because jason knows how his brother is and can be and that way I don’t really have to explain myself or anything he just knows what i’m feeling in regards to his brother so its easier. And there isn’t that history of feeling like I can’t talk to him at all. With the boy I really feel like I can’t talk to him or confide anything in him. And that he just doesn’t care. I just get so shot down a lot of the time. And with jason its not like that at all. I’m really grateful for jasons visit cause It showed his brother a lot of things to work out with me and it is encouraging honestly.

well now that the visit is over and everyone is back to their routines its good but its weird. I thought it was so funny when the boy told me he was really happy to be back into the routine because before he was always so against routines.

in the end great visit, we are sad he is gone. jason come back and live in seattle we miss you!

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