being honest with myself

I’m going to write about anxiety and fear. Basically because thats what i’m going through right now. So I need to process it.
I’ve come to the realization that I am letting that control my life and honestly I don’t know what to do or how to change it. Its really disconcerting. And I have no idea how I got this way.
I feel like there has to be a middle ground but i’m like one extreme to the other. I feel like with the subject of vainness for instance. I always felt like I was super vain if I thought I looked really good. So I went to the other extreme about saying that I look bad or just not saying anything at all. I don’t really know what middle ground looks like with much of anything.
I don’t know what I can do or how to fix it. I don’t know how to get over the hump and I sure as heck do not know how to trust God with any of it. I’ve never really read the bible much I don’t do bible studies and its just tough. I don’t know where to start. And sometimes you can have good intentions but stuff doesn’t happen.
So thats what i’m going through right now. I wanted to say more though I cannot remember what I was gonna write. So thats that.

6 thoughts on “being honest with myself

  1. I struggle a lot with some types of anxiety, and I also struggle with loving myself. I just thought I'd let you know I am praying for you! I don't think I could say you are vain for looking in the mirror and thinking you look good. Vanity is when you are prideful of how you look, and obsessive about it. I think you should find ways to fall in love with yourself and how you look. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself ONLY what you like. Focus on those things, and push away any negative. I don't know if this is helpful at all! I am praying for you though and I hope you find your answers!

  2. If you don't read the Bible, then there definitely is not a way to know how to trust God. So start there. Open your Bible. Read it. Learn how to trust Him. There is no other way to get through without Him, and He speaks through His Word. That's the harsh truth for EVERYONE TO KNOW.

  3. Oh Aimy Michelle I am so glad God had me visit your blog when this post was at the top.

    First, big hug.

    Secondly, balance is hard for everyone, and I too have let anxiety rule me even recently.

    But I also want to offer you something born out of experience: focus on who God is. Don't focus on how good or bad you are. Get the focus off of you and onto Him. If you're ragging on yourself focus on how you are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) Think of how amazing your fingerprints are, your lungs, your feet. And put the focus on Him. If you're upset because of your thoughts praise the Creator of your synapses and thank Him that you are able to think, that it even occurred to Him to make you able to think.

    If you're puffing yourself up, think of how you're just a puff of breath in the scheme of eternity. (Psalm 39:5) Consider God's speech to Job (Job 38 & 39) Consider that you are clay and He is the Potter…

    But then realize that He chose to shape you. He chose to mold you. He chose to make you into what He can use: a humble earthenware vessel made to house His Spirit, the most precious and valuable thing ever. Alone, you *are* without worth. With Him, you are priceless beyond measure. Not because of who you are *at all* but because of who He is.

    Humility is absolutely required for the work God has for you. Just go to biblegateway and search "pride" or "proud" and tremble because it is clear God has no use for the proud..

    But He will humble you because you are His. And when you realize who He is, you can't help but be humble.

    Humility is not about belittling yourself. Indeed, many things you insult about yourself may be you in reality criticizing your Creator, and who do you think you are to do that? But no, real humility is simply a true understanding of who you are in light of who He is, and submitting to Him as your Lord (that is, your ruler to whom you owe complete obedience, gratitude, and love). True humility is the genuine consequence of seeing Him for who He is. Look at Isaiah's reaction!

    And yes, delve into the Word, it will only help you see Him clearly. He loves you and desires a deeper connection. Let Him pour His abundance in you. Forget your earthenware existence and focus on who it is who chooses to share it, dwelling within your fragile frame and overflowing with preciousness. Rejoice! Rejoice! Rejoice! Jesus Reigns!

  4. Im so sorry to hear you have been struggling. But its great that you have decided to write about it. I know that for me, writing and processing things out like that helps.

    I too have kind of been dealing with anxiety lately. I have never had it before. But recently started feeling really overwhelmed with stuff lately. Little things, things that shouldnt overwhelm me! when I tried to explain to people how I was feeling, everyone said Anxiety. I was like oh, is that what that is!?

    As I am sure you know, I am a Christian, and I do rely on God. It may sound silly, but for me that DOES help. It IS hard, because I am a control freak and I hate being dependent. But trusting and allowing God to mold my heart and knowing He has a plan for me does help.

    I hope you know that you are of value and worth to God. You are the apple of His eye. And though as humans we can be vain (a lot!) its ok to be ok with yourself. Love yourself. As long as you are putting HIM first. And loving others as yourself! 🙂

    Ive struggled with insecurity too, and not wanting to be vain. But putting yourself down doesnt help. Consider it an insult to God, your creator. Who made you just as you are. He loves you, and you should love you. I know its hard. But trust in God. Pray that he will help you to put your guard down, and soften your heart and help you find middle ground.

    Thats been my biggest prayer lately! That God would soften and mold my heart to His. And not only that, but that I would ALLOW Him to do that! Its kind of like, "God I dont always want your will, but I want to want your will. Please help me with that!" -If that makes sense? 🙂

    Also just know that God has a plan for you. The fires you go through now are only going to purify you and prepare your heart for the future plans God has for you. We dont always see it in the 'now', the big picture. But some day you will look back and be able to say "oh that was why I went through that struggle."

    *hugs to you*
    And Im saying a prayer for you too!

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