Well last night the boy and I were talking about marriage.
If we could do it, what it would take monetarily, if that included me working. All of that stuff.
I think we had pretty good things to say but its pretty terrifying honestly. Going from the only place you’ve ever lived to somewhere else. It just scares me out of my wits sometimes. I’m not sure what to think or what to do.
We aren’t super traditional and we don’t really care about the whole getting engaged thing. And we are just gonna go get married at a justice of the peace. Because we aren’t into hoopla. But will have a reception later on. Like maybe get married in the winter time and then have a reception in the spring/summertime. Thats the plan. It felt good to talk about it. But I worry about everything, the change, what people will think. If its the right time for that if people will think we are doing the right thing.
I dont’ really care if his parents will be pissed cause they would probably expect us to have this huge wedding with five million people and us pay for them to come up. And yeah that’s not happening, for one i’m too cheap and for two I don’t like the attention and neither does Justin. I’m just not a party type person. I don’t like people staring at me or anything like that.
After he left last night mom and I were talking, it was surprising cause I get scared of what my parents will say if they are gonna be against it or judgmental and everything else. But she wasn’t anything like that. It seemed like she was supportive. Maybe it was like “well you’re gonna do what you are gonna do” but I dunno. I just feel confused and scared and honestly non-committal. It just all scares me to death.