life lately

You can’t add a single day by worrying / You’ll worry your life away / Oh don’t worry your life away / You can’t change a single thing by freaking out / It’s just gonna close you in / Oh don’t let the trouble win

these months have been hard, full of worry, anxiety, pain and sorrow. its hard to know how to even make it out of the hole or even realize that you aren’t in the hole anymore.

You may feel alone / But you’re not on your own / If He can hold the world / He can hold this moment / Not a field or flower escapes His notice / Oh even the sparrow / Knows He holds tomorrow

its also hard to know you aren’t alone, there aren’t a lot of people who stick around in lives these days. it seems like its the hardest to keep relationships to nurture them and just be. a lot of people aren’t longing for relationships which seems strange to me. I’ve always loved having friends though never had that many at once i poured all i had into the ones i have had. and when its not reciprocated then i pull away. what use is there for me to keep nurturing something that someone isn’t interested in? none so i just don’t bother. that leaves me alone a lot. which is sad but its just how life is.

Lean in and it’s hard to miss / Everything can change / When you make it His / Oh He wants to carry it / Carefree in the care of God / When you let it go / You’ll find that He’s enough / Oh you never leave His love / You don’t walk alone

that is when you lean into the people you have that are there for always and ultimately into Jesus. He is the one that won’t let you down and sometimes it is hard to really feel like that He is there all the time.

in april i lost the nanny job i had for over 2 years. i’m still sad about it sometimes. but there is a reason for that happening. their family life was a little crazy and it was starting to affect me in not so good ways. i had my own crap going on also.  physically i was depressed, not feeling good had some digestive things going on (still sorta do) and just in general not happy.

in may i got rear-ended on a weekend getaway with my husband. that was a huge bummer and i’m still irritated about it. i still hurt from it. but the massages and chiropractic adjustments are helping.

during the summer in july my husband and i were on a vacation for 3 weeks. we went to see both sides of his family in 3 different states! it was so much fun! i loved every minute of it. except for the time i had to go to urgent care for a horrible ear/sinus infection that kinda sucked but after i got some meds to help it,  it was good. we were in Tulsa, Ok for 1 1/2 weeks and then in Wellsboro, Pa for the rest. we did travel to NYC for 3 days and went on a day trip to Niagara falls.  it was glorious i loved it. i was really bummed i didn’t have more time in NYC though. my husbands brother has moved there so we got there the day he got there that was a great time of connection and memories.

family is important and we don’t connect as much as we should with family. its really sad but at the same time it makes the times we do connect a lot more special. i just wish we were closer to most of the family.

If He can hold the world / He can hold this moment / Not a field or flower escapes His notice / Oh even the sparrow / Knows He holds tomorrow / There’s not a single star that’s out of place / There’s nothing broken He can’t remake / If you long for hope when you’re afraid / Oh look at the sparrow / Look at the sparrow / If He can hold the world / He can hold this moment / Not a field or flower escapes His notice / Oh even the sparrow / Knows He holds tomorrow / Even the sparrow knows He holds tomorrow

i’m not sure where life will take us. but currently being in Seattle i know i’m not meant to stay here for my whole life. i never used to believe i’d ever live anywhere else than Seattle. but every time i come back after leaving for a bit i realize i don’t belong here. i long for the country, a farmhouse, goats, and a bunch of dogs. i long for the day where i don’t feel crowded in a city and where i have a lot of openness around me and i can just sit, breathe and take it all in.

i have no idea where that means or what will happen but i’m excited for a journey.

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