Today i am featuring the newest CD by Tori Kelly. Upon first look the album cover is nice and sleek looking. the album seems kind of short in my opinion, but that’s not really a deal breaker. Not really being familiar with Tori Kelly at all its sort of hard to judge it. When listening to it for the first time her voice is nice, but it just didn’t “wow” me as much as some albums by other artists have. to be perfectly honest  most of it just made me zone out or push to the next song right away. nothing about her, maybe its the type of feel the songs had but it just wasn’t my thing.

i was provided a copy of this cd for free in exchange for my review, i wasn’t compensated in any way

Welcome to the blog tour and giveaway for The Accidental Guardian by Mary Connealy, hosted by JustRead Publicity Tours!

ABOUT THE BOOK

Title: The Accidental Guardian Series: High Sierra Sweethearts, Book 1 Author: Mary Connealy Publisher: Bethany House Publishers Release Date: April 3, 2018 Genre: Historical Romance / Western +To Read: Goodreads She’s the Only Witness to a Wagon Train Attack. Keeping Her Safe, Though, Means His World Is about to be Turned Upside Down. When Trace Riley finds the smoldering ruins of a small wagon train, he recognizes an attack by the same group who left him as sole survivor years ago. Living off the wilderness since then, he’s finally carved out a home and started a herd–while serving as a self-appointed guardian of the trail. He’d hoped the days of driving off dangerous men were over, but the latest attack shows otherwise. Deborah Harkness saved her younger sister and two toddlers during the attack, and now finds herself at the mercy of her rescuer. Trace becomes an accidental guardian when he offers the only shelter for miles around and agrees to take them in until they can safely continue their journey. His simple bachelor existence never anticipated kids and women in the picture and their arrival is unsettling–yet enticing.
Trace and Deborah find themselves drawing ever closer as they work together to bring justice to the trail and help the group survive the winter–but every day closer to spring means a day closer to leaving the mountains forever.

My Thoughts:

Never having read a book by this author before, i wasn’t sure what would i would think or feel or really anything. unfortunately for me it just didn’t grab me at all. it was just one of those type of situations where you just don’t connect to a story and it isn’t something you can keep going on with. so that was a big bummer for me, but it’s just not possible for me to connect to every single book i read. hopefully everyone else doesn’t have that issue like i did.

i was provided a copy of this book for free in exchange for my review, i wasn’t compensated in any way

The next book in the series, THE RELUCTANT WARRIOR will be released later this year in October, 2018!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mary Connealy writes “romantic comedies with cowboys” and is celebrated for her fun, zany, action-packed style. She has more than half a million books in print. She is the author of the popular series Wild at Heart, Kincaid Brides, Trouble in Texas, Lassoed in Texas, Sophie’s Daughters, and many other books. Mary lives on a ranch in eastern Nebraska with her very own romantic cowboy hero. CONNECT WITH MARY: website, facebook, twitter, instagram

GIVEAWAY

(1) Winner will win:

For the full tour schedule for more giveaway entries, head to JustRead’s Launch Page HERE (or click on the Tour Banner below). *NOTE: This post contains affiliate links.

Grief it’s one of those words that you don’t think about much. when something happens to other people you would say “oh i know how you feel” or “i know what you’re going through, sorry for your loss.” you can be sad for people but really do you know what it feels like? i’ve experienced losses but the deaths i experienced weren’t really close to me i guess you could say, though some did happen as i got older but it was more of a “i’m detached from this” kind of situation.

back in october that’s when it all went south….

our dog had been super sick, she would have reverse sneezing, would have snot coming out at any time and sometimes she was miserable, not that often though. she was doing alright. until one point where she had a couple really bad nosebleeds. we were so scared we’d lose her.  after sometime the vet said she was okay. but two days later she had some bad nosebleeds again. we got it to stop a little and it was as okay as it could have been til the next morning. the next morning i went on an errand and came back to blood everywhere, my parents rushing around trying to get her to the car. but she wouldn’t move and she was basically lifeless. it was so fast and so traumatic and so depressing. should i have gone to the vet? should i have stayed with her?  those questions still pop in my mind.  when i saw her next she was unconscious on pain meds and we had to put her down. she lost most of her volume of blood in her body in such a short period of time. and there just wasn’t anything that could be done. so we cried and cried and cried some more. and we put her down to end her suffering. we stayed with her and literally it was the hardest thing i’ve done. she was gone really quick. but that hole is still very deep and very raw. it was the worst and hardest thing i’ve ever dealt with. they were very positive that she had a tumor in her nasal passage. and there wasn’t anything to be done. it is hard and that’s all i can say. the pain inside is still so very present and you would think “sure october is a long time” well its still fresh and it still makes me cry, not daily anymore but its still way too hard to deal with.

its very hard to process, especially when you are so used to having that sweet girl greet you at the door, or making sure you don’t trip over her in the hallway. you glance and think that you see her, or think you hear her and shes just not there. and its devastating.

one event of grief is enough to last a while.  yet that’s not how life goes. my grandpa hadn’t been doing well for a long time. in the beginning of october he had to be in the hospital as he was doing REALLY bad. and at one point they weren’t sure he would come out. he did fight and made it home. but it was in hospice care. so we all knew it was only a matter of time. some of the comments my mom said that he had said were very heart breaking. personally i couldn’t go see him like that. he wasn’t himself and he looked horrible and i didn’t want to see a dying man and have that in my eternal memory. after what i went through with the blood and the lifeless dog body in my brain i didn’t feel i needed to see a dying man. and i was and am still confident in my decision. it was just WAY too much for me. he passed two weeks after our dog.

now i wasn’t really super close to my grandparents, it’s just not how my family is. but i was very sad, and still am. the funeral i was doing so good until that casket came out. it was almost like “is this real life?” we are all making it. its still something you cry about though.

those two situations are still present and they still come up. my neighbors dog who we watch sometimes isn’t doing well so there is that reminder. and then my other neighbors grandma just passed two days ago. on my neighbors birthday. Grief is just ever present in this season of life.

i just wish things were easier right now.  one interesting thing though. my grandpa died on the same date that his mother and aunt died 24 years earlier.

just trying to grasp the good moments and times right now. and trying to get past the pain.

You can’t add a single day by worrying / You’ll worry your life away / Oh don’t worry your life away / You can’t change a single thing by freaking out / It’s just gonna close you in / Oh don’t let the trouble win

these months have been hard, full of worry, anxiety, pain and sorrow. its hard to know how to even make it out of the hole or even realize that you aren’t in the hole anymore.

You may feel alone / But you’re not on your own / If He can hold the world / He can hold this moment / Not a field or flower escapes His notice / Oh even the sparrow / Knows He holds tomorrow

its also hard to know you aren’t alone, there aren’t a lot of people who stick around in lives these days. it seems like its the hardest to keep relationships to nurture them and just be. a lot of people aren’t longing for relationships which seems strange to me. I’ve always loved having friends though never had that many at once i poured all i had into the ones i have had. and when its not reciprocated then i pull away. what use is there for me to keep nurturing something that someone isn’t interested in? none so i just don’t bother. that leaves me alone a lot. which is sad but its just how life is.

Lean in and it’s hard to miss / Everything can change / When you make it His / Oh He wants to carry it / Carefree in the care of God / When you let it go / You’ll find that He’s enough / Oh you never leave His love / You don’t walk alone

that is when you lean into the people you have that are there for always and ultimately into Jesus. He is the one that won’t let you down and sometimes it is hard to really feel like that He is there all the time.

in april i lost the nanny job i had for over 2 years. i’m still sad about it sometimes. but there is a reason for that happening. their family life was a little crazy and it was starting to affect me in not so good ways. i had my own crap going on also.  physically i was depressed, not feeling good had some digestive things going on (still sorta do) and just in general not happy.

in may i got rear-ended on a weekend getaway with my husband. that was a huge bummer and i’m still irritated about it. i still hurt from it. but the massages and chiropractic adjustments are helping.

during the summer in july my husband and i were on a vacation for 3 weeks. we went to see both sides of his family in 3 different states! it was so much fun! i loved every minute of it. except for the time i had to go to urgent care for a horrible ear/sinus infection that kinda sucked but after i got some meds to help it,  it was good. we were in Tulsa, Ok for 1 1/2 weeks and then in Wellsboro, Pa for the rest. we did travel to NYC for 3 days and went on a day trip to Niagara falls.  it was glorious i loved it. i was really bummed i didn’t have more time in NYC though. my husbands brother has moved there so we got there the day he got there that was a great time of connection and memories.

family is important and we don’t connect as much as we should with family. its really sad but at the same time it makes the times we do connect a lot more special. i just wish we were closer to most of the family.

If He can hold the world / He can hold this moment / Not a field or flower escapes His notice / Oh even the sparrow / Knows He holds tomorrow / There’s not a single star that’s out of place / There’s nothing broken He can’t remake / If you long for hope when you’re afraid / Oh look at the sparrow / Look at the sparrow / If He can hold the world / He can hold this moment / Not a field or flower escapes His notice / Oh even the sparrow / Knows He holds tomorrow / Even the sparrow knows He holds tomorrow

i’m not sure where life will take us. but currently being in Seattle i know i’m not meant to stay here for my whole life. i never used to believe i’d ever live anywhere else than Seattle. but every time i come back after leaving for a bit i realize i don’t belong here. i long for the country, a farmhouse, goats, and a bunch of dogs. i long for the day where i don’t feel crowded in a city and where i have a lot of openness around me and i can just sit, breathe and take it all in.

i have no idea where that means or what will happen but i’m excited for a journey.

where do i begin? life is just a hot hot mess.

everything and anything is going wrong all at once. but in the midst i’m back into finding myself.

i’ve decided to blog again, i’ve started to read more and i’ve discovered a love for a paper planner/stamping in it! i’m so excited to journey through life like this and i’m SO excited to blog again. and reading is literally so awesome.

i’ve been doing a lot of crocheting lately i’ll share some pictures later on.

but other than that there have been family injuries, car wrecks, cancer, just plain drama and other health crisis’. such a mess. but we’ll get through it and we always do.

i just lost my nanny job of two years so i’m trying to pick up all the pieces, life wise and health wise. i will get through and i’m just so blessed in other ways so it will carry me through.

i’m not sure if anyone else reads this anymore or is subscribed but i’m happy to have you!!

until later!

i’ve been away from this blog for so long. and now it has a whole new look. which is completely finished! yay!

my husband redid my whole blog for me and i love it. its so awesome.

so not much has been going on aside from crafting and we went on a few trips which were great. wish i was still on vacations though. a bunch has gone on. i just don’t know where to start.

is anyone still out there?

wow its been a long time since i wrote an actual post that wasn’t about books. so here we go.

on April 4th we got married, then went to Leavenworth, WA for a honeymoon. which didn’t last long cause we had to come back super quick on that Sunday cause we had marriage class at church. so that was a bummer. but it was a good trip and we are planning a return trip cause we loved going to that bed and breakfast. it was glorious.

we are going to have a big vacation/honeymoon in June after our reception. so that should be good.

so a few days before our wedding we got notified that our landlord didn’t feel comfortable renting to us so we had til the end of the month to get out… it was really infuriating especially because its not like the place was a great place. so i think it was cause we complained. but who wouldn’t? the oven was broken, the place was a pig stye. and it had ants. ugh it was a nightmare and we didn’t like to stay there at all. but we did at night. and stayed at my parents during the day and made food there.

we haven’t found a place and last weekend we moved Justin’s stuff to my parents. i never moved any of my stuff so i would just come here everyday and get clothes for the next day haha. it was pretty lame. but it was easier that i didn’t have to move any of my stuff. we did that Easter weekend. and go on planning the reception in June.

life is crazy and sometimes its downright mean but we’re making it. hopefully we can find a nice place soon but i just want my own house. even with how unrealistic it is. but maybe its not that unrealistic.  who knows.

i just know i’m tired and i feel more comfortable here. but one thing i will not get used to is snoring.  ughhh that guy snores so loud.

in other news last night. my mom went on the back deck and then saw lots of smoke. and we were all “oh fire!” and so then we went running down the block looking for it (we’re crazy and justin had no shoes on) it was a few blocks over. but we aren’t the only crazy ones cause we saw like 5 of our neighbors haha. but still justin had no shoes. we should have just jumped in the car. my mom went back for the car cause we went running down the street without the house locked cause we’re smart. but she went back and got the car and i just kept on running/walking it was so sad though. but boy was that adventure exhausting. but i’m also not feeling well. kinda stuffy and my ears have been bothering me.

hmm other than that i don’t know whats been going on. i’ve been feeling like not myself i hadn’t done all the things i love in weeks like reading or crafting i was a zombie i’m slowly getting myself back so thats good. but one thing i dunno about is everyone is all “you’re married!” does that mean i’m supposed to be some giddy person? i am just not that person. i’m not a mushy gushy person haha so i’m not sure what people are expecting me to be like? i dunno but its just yeah we’re married but its not much different than before. i do love him a ton though. we’re getting better. 🙂

thats about all for now.

Since i’ve vented everything out last I feel a bit better.

I’m just irritated because I have this weird ear ache/fluid in the ear type thing. Its getting better since taking benedryl though. I did put in some of that garlic oil stuff its a naturopathic remedy for an ear infection/ache. UGH that was horrible. I don’t like eye drops or drops in my ears. So I felt like I was gonna go insane. It felt so weird. And so gross.

Anyways this past weekend we went and started a bridal registry at macys. Which I was fun but its so overwhelming trying to think of what to put on it. And they gave us a bunch of stuff. Like little cards to put in invitations and stuff.

But its so weird cause the lady said for like shower invites/whatever else and I was thinking uhhh I doubt i’ll have a shower. And I don’t even think I have enough friends to do that. And I wouldn’t have anyone to throw one. So that is weird and awkward.

We intended to do target too but we were just too tired. Since we were doing other running around too.

I had it set in my mind I wanted to find some kind of basket that was fabric and moveable not stiff so I could put the yarn i’m using to make an afghan and then I didn’t have to put it in a plastic bag. And usually when I go out to find something I have imagined in my mind I never can find it and it doesn’t exist. And I totally found something. I was happy for two days! Its so exciting. And everytime I look over and see it it gets me excited all over again. I feel like such a freak.

I’m super behind in everything like reading but I finally got caught up on all blogs! So that was major.

I did almost finish one book. But its weird because I never ever start two books at one time. But I have like 7 that are a little bit read. Which is really irritating to me. So many unfinished. And no reviews written. Ugh.

But with wedding stuff and life stuff and everything else I just feel like I can’t ever be caught up on anything. Maybe I will be someday soon. But for now thats how it is.

So i’m still around, just sparse on words. A lot of crap has gone on on so I guess i’ll get to updating.

I’m just so overwhelmed with a lot that I just don’t know what to say. The boys parents really treated him like crap growing up and they make drama about us getting married. And its just sort of a mess. And its stressful and I just don’t want to deal with them honestly.

Planning is stressful cause of no time and the boys school and trying to see whats going on and all the details. Thankfully we aren’t having a crazy elaborate wedding. Just eloping but they want otherwise. ugh I just don’t know.

The holidays were sorta weird. But alright. New years hasn’t been so great though. I got a flat tire last week so that really sucked and i’ve just been so over everything. Cause I pretty much need 4 new tires and I don’t want to deal with the whole thing at all.

I’m stressed out about where the boy and I will live when we get married, getting married terrifies me and sex terrifies me. Also living not at my house terrifies me.

I’m a ball of crazy and anxiety and I dunno what to do about it.

I’ve also noticed I pretty much cry anytime anything serious comes up like my tires i’ve been crying about it and when I got the flat tire. I guess I just cry everytime I have something “serious” to say I dunno why its like that but i’ve always done it. I’m not sure why I can’t ever hold it together.

I have a bunch of crafts i’m doing so thats good. But I have a ton unfinished also a ton of unfinished books which is irritating me but such is life.

I’m not even sure what to say or what to write anymore. So thats about all.

And there you go! The boy and I got engaged this weekend. On saturday we went up to snoqualmie falls and came back engaged!

The whole thing is kind of overwhelming we made it facebook official last night. And so many people have commented and stuff. I want to respond but i’m too overwhelmed at the moment.

Last week my parents sat us down to talk to us about our plans. And stuff it wasn’t as bad as we thought it’d be. But they did offer to buy us the dave ramsey class on money. So we agreed and we got the dvd one. So we’re excited to get that done. Cause money could be super tight.

We are planning to have a reception in spring/summer time and not have a ceremony just a justice of the peace thing with my parents and friends shelly and jason. I’m not sure how his parents will react.

I’m excited to register for things though!

Right now i’m super into needlepoint/cross stitching still I finally got stuff started and I love it. So obsessed.

I also just made my neighbors girl a few hats. So that was good.

I just feel overwhelmed in general. Im behind in reading and crafting and trying to get all this stuff done and its not happening then getting engaged and I dunno I feel like i’m going crazy haha. Oh well it will pass.

i don’t even know where to begin. last week was kinda crazy full of anxiety but thank goodness things are all good. not something i’m willing to talk about. but God provided for sure.

i started this bible reading plan on my phone. though i sorta fell off the wagon with it haha. oh gosh. i’m impossible.

i’m finally getting back to working on the blanket i only have 1 more row to finish. but the blanket is so big now. i’m excited to block it though. hopefully i have enough pins.

then i have to get back to cross stitching and needlepoint. i haven’t done any needle point before though and i have a stocking to do for the boy he picked it out last year. i did crochet him a christmas stocking but he wanted a needlepoint one. it should be interesting. i just wish it was cross stitch cause i know how to do that more than needlepoint. oh well hopefully it will go fast.

i’m behind in reading/reviewing. what else is new. but hopefully i can bust it all out.

excercising is going not so great. but i’ll remedy that soon.

saturday we went to a friends house for dinner and somehow my friend shelly and i got it in our heads to make her china cabinet area a craft cabinet. so we took everything out and got to work it was crazy. then sunday i decided i needed to organize and get stuff put away so i did that and it took forever then i was exhausted but it does look a whole lot better for sure.

i need to get some blankets and flannel sheets on my bed asap ugh its been so cold sleeping.

the boy and i are starting to really go over finances though he was too tired and sick feeling last night to do it. but hopefully soon we’ll figure stuff out.

i feel lke i need to get into blogging more but i’ve been so into other things instead. i dunno i’m kind of all over the place. next time i’ll share pictures of crafts. that should be fun! i guess i will get going and do stuff instead of ramble. feel free to comment if anyone is out there.

I’m going from my last post uh almost two months ago. To now and i’m not so excited. And quite honestly I just feel defeated in about pretty much everything.

Few weeks ago we went to portland/bend for my best friend colins wedding. While that was all great and nice. Honestly the trip sucked. Too much driving, not so much fun. It just wasn’t what I thought it’d be. And then the memories of getting robbed loomed over me. Probably didn’t help that I went on the street we were near when getting robbed and passed by the hotel I stayed at the night I got robbed. Uh awkward. Yeah too much driving, sucky goodwills, I hate gas getting pumped for me and other stuff. Meh

last week was a crappy week especially for injuries. I got my hand smashed by a cart at costco. It swelled up pretty bad and its severely bruised even now. I hurt a few other fingers after that on my other hand. I also hit my head on the car while bending over to adjust the seat. Totally got a huge goose egg on my head. Irritating it still hurts somewhat now.

Right now my knees hurt so bad.

I’m kinda blah cause I got off the wagon with working out and my eating low carb stuff. But honestly i’m just sad about multiple things.

The boy and I got hair cuts and the lady cut it uneven and its kinda shorter than I wanted. Which is kind of depressing. It looks good but blah.

I finally got a plan for my granny afghan but I had to stop crocheting cause I developed a spasm in my shoulder. Another irritating thing. I hope it stops soon. The thing is it makes me mad when its not all the same inches all the way around. But I did find this really great video that shows about steam blocking so i’m excited. I had to go find foam tiles and rust proof needles. Which I did get and as I was trying to find a super cheap used option I didn’t find it so I got a cheap option at harbor freight which was awesome! Hopefully my spasm goes away soon so I can finish and block that afghan.

Another thing i’m super into right now is cross stitching and i’ve found a bunch of great kits on ebay. But I needed more scroll frames I bought some but they were crap. So we just made our own. I still have to find fabric to staple to them so I can baste the aida fabric on. Hopefully that happens soon.

I dunno what else to say so thats about all for now.