long overdue update.

Well its been awhile and I keep wanting to write but I never got around to it. Just like reading and blog reading in general. Ugh I’m so behind in everything. But everything else is going on and its just plain crazy.
So my mom had been having issues with her knee since January and in late June she got a second opinion from a doctor and he wanted to do surgery. And it happened a week after that on July 5th. Ugh it was just a huge crazy long ordeal with getting her medical leave and everything else. She is on the mend the first week was really tough with her not being able to do anything and everyone being super cranky. Shes used to getting up and going and that bothers her when she can’t do things the way she wants to. She is definitely a million times better now though. Not to 100 percent but getting there.
July 4th was alright we went to a friends for a BBQ and we were staying after it was over but people showed up late and we didn’t get to do what we wanted to do with our friends cause of those late comers. So that was really disappointing.
Um on the weight loss front I’ve lost a bit more. I have recently started working out on the recumbent bike we have. And I’m hoping to get more pounds off. I have noticed that my capris have a problem staying up and a few tanks I have are pretty loose. Its a good problem to have but its super annoying. I’ve also been in a dress mood. I was really disappointed though when this dress I love from target shrunk. Its not too bad but I guess once I lose weight in my chest It will be back to where I want it to be. And old navy has been surprising me with clothes because I used to never find anything there and I have found a ton of great dresses and for great deals. I just have to alter them a bit. So I’m excited about those. I just want to lose more pounds before my bffs wedding in august.
Yesterday we went to a party for our friends little girl. Its so weird she turned five and its just insane to me. We were supposed to stay after and hang out as that’s our usual routine for every kids party. But her parents sprung it on them two days ago that they were driving up. And they had to have been on the road way longer than when they decided to barge in on my friend. She wasn’t prepared for anything, plus is super stressed out and her parents are very difficult to get along with. So its rough and disappointing again but I just hope my friend doesn’t end up in the mental ward..
yesterday we found some great deals at goodwill, I’m super excited to go to goodwills in Oregon when we are down there.
Other than that I’m just behind in writing reviews, reading books and everything else in between.
I got a blood test to check my iron. My hair is growing a little bit more which is good cause I look less bald. But I want it all the way back to normal and I am hoping my iron is still low. But I was supposed to get a phone call with my results on Friday an that never happened. My doctor is gone all next week so that’s really irritating to me. Nothing I can do about that though. One good thing is, I had a patch of excema on my foot and now that’s completely gone. Probably from the food change. Now if I can only get rid of my dry cracked heals I’d be golden.
I guess that’s all I have to say. I’m trying to not be super negative, I just get really excited about progress but then still see how far I have to go with weight and hair and i just get really down about it. I dunno I just gotta keep pushing through.

long week..

Its been a long week and i’m just exhausted honestly. Probably doesn’t help that i’m pmsing but gosh the stress of the whole week is crazy.
The dentist was alright I was super emotional period. And then I ended up having one cavity. I don’t have the money for it really but its how it is so I have to deal with it.
We finally heard about the boys job and he has one so thats good.
I have a new obsession which is banana chips, I got them at trader joes in my search to find dried fruit for snacks since we can’t really snack on chips. Although we did find root veggie chips at trader joes also. So thats pretty good. I was always pricing out/seeing what kinds of food we can have for road trips for august! So i’m excited about that.
Also with that I am able to use my moms car which is great! So everything is finally falling into place. Now if only I had a nanny job i’d be golden.
I just feel so blah lately I don’t have much motivation and I feel yucky. But with the food thing i’m doing good. Just looked up a bunch of recipes and looked up menus at restaurants to see what we can eat and not be in too much trouble haha.
So thats exciting. I dunno what else to talk about. I just haven’t been doing enough reading or anything like that. And I really am still annoyed about google reader. But such is life
until next time people.

a big bunch of crazy!

So I am totally insane. I haven’t written in awhile cause I didn’t know what to write. But here we go and brace yourself for some of insanity.
I have it. And i’m seriously going insane. So i’m freaking out a bout a lot of things lately. One is the boys job. Its supposed to be transitioned to a no contract/permanent position. But you have to submit your resume/interview for it. And the fact that you have to do that too the slight possibility that he could get bypassed for it is like freaking me out. He works with these people every day but ugh its driving me crazy.
Next bit of anxiety, teeth. First it was my retainer that was breaking. I got that taken care of. But now I noticed spots on my teeth and I have gone through this whole huge thing of me freaking out and crying about the fact that I could have cavities. Cause honestly I don’t have money to do any of this. And cavities I sure don’t have money for and it just terrifies me.
I was watching an episode of keeping up with kardashians today and lamar has like tons of cavities. I seriously was cringing and getting all freaked out and full of anxiety at the thought of the dentist. I’m so SO crazy. I got the nervousness and the wanting to throw up and everything. So I was freakin gout so bad about my teeth this week that I made an appointment to get my teeth cleaned. And then I had more anxiety. I did switch toothpastes so I looked again today and some of my spots are lighter. But sheesh. I dunno what I do with myself.
I’m sure there is more anxiety I have but who knows what that is right now. Its best I don’t think about it. Haha.
So my best friend colin is getting married. SO weird but so awesome. Hes 40 so its kind of about time. I approve of his lady even if I haven’t met her. I generally have feelings about people and hes had some really bad ladies before. So i’m happy hes happy. But that means I have to drive down to oregon to see it. Which i’m happy to do but it’d be better if I was the one that didn’t have to do all the driving. But it is what it is. I was toying with the idea of renting a car because i’m not sure my car is ready for that. Its 253,000 miles but it is a honda and the majority of miles on my car were freeway miles. But I dunno. Hopefully I can use my moms car.
Another thing we’re doing is going on a low carb diet. Honestly I have an addiction to pretzels/chips/cereals. And i’m fat so we are starting this new way of eating. Its kind of like paleo but not really. I dunno i’m just trying to not think about the things I can’t have. But so far its going good. We aren’t totally all in it yet. But its alright. The weird thing is you eat things that the full fat. Like whole milk, full fat cottage cheese. I’ve never had that stuff before until recently. But I like it! Hopefully that will help me with my weight and also for my hair. I’m so discouraged sometimes about how thin it is. I know its hard to wait for it to grow. I’m not sure if my iron is the right level but i’m hoping it is. Anyways.
This past weekend we had my cousins boys and we haven’t seen them in months and months its so sad. But it was SO fun to have them. They are hilarious especially the youngest one. It makes me sad that we don’t see them but maybe that will change soon. I wish he would still snuggle though. I miss that.
My foot is still kinda weird but not all the time. And I can wear flip flops if they have support so thats good I just ordered some.
Last thing is I LOVE trader joes. With this whole new food thing we went to trader joes and found meats that have no nitrates or nitrites. Man that tastes SO amazing. But I also got new shampoo there with no harsh chemicals. I decided to go try it because I have super itchy skin and a really dry itchy scalp that sometimes burns. And honestly I was tired of it so I wanted to try it out. Well it totally went away and my dry flaky skin has gone away too. Its amazing. So I love trader joes.
Thats about all I have for now. Comment friends. And hi new followers!

anxiety, dreams, weight and stubborn weeds!

I’ve been one big ball of anxiety lately. It is/was my retainers. I got new ones made and got them the day after. So I had all of that crazy anxiety for nothing really. But then Tuesday I noticed I had black stuff in the creases of my teeth so that freaked me out. But I had poked in them and they aren’t squishy. So I guess that means (according to my mom at least) that I don’t have cavities. But I should get my teeth cleaned. Though I really don’t want to. I hate the dentist. And I don’t really like the dentist I have either. I dunno what to do with that.
I also am trying to research/figure out what to do about my weight. I’m looking at the HCG drops I know a bunch of people that have had huge success with it. Or a low carb diet. I need to do something because I just keep getting fatter and fatter and I’m not totally motivated. On one hand I feel like its sort of a cop out cause I’m not really trying. But on the other hand I’m not totally motivated and I get really discouraged easily when it comes to this and I feel like I fail no matter what.
While talking about this with the boy last night its like I want to get thinner I want to like myself and not feel so blah all the time. But at the same time I don’t want to give things up. I don’t’ want to give up carbs, chips and all of that stuff I just love. But thats me being stubborn and honestly I guess food is a crutch for me. And its something I control, I want what I want I guess. And I just don’t want to give it up. It kinda seems like an idol. And in order for me to get results I have to do something drastic. And the boy will do that with me as well as my mom. All of us have issues with things we don’t want to give up. But it may be God’s way of showing me what I need to do. I’ve been praying about it a lot. And it just may be the answer. I dunno. We are in the process of pulling together questions about it and will talk to someone about it soon. But it may be the right direction to take. I’m totally freaked out about it though. The whole “what if I can’t do it” question goes through my mind constantly. I am just not sure.
In other news i’ve made some good progress in reading my books I need to read. Writing reviews is a whole nother story… oi.
My foot feels somewhat better its getting there.
Now my garden i’m making good progress in that! I made a whole plan up for it and i’m super excited about it. I just hope it plays out like I want it to. I just need a nice day to start work on it. Though I can’t use the pitch fork I still can’t do that with my foot. I can’t stomp hard or anything. Super annoying since I have stuff to do! And I nearly pulled my arm off the other day trying to yank on a really huge stubborn weed. It was pretty traumatic honestly. My arm went one way and my body went the opposite way. After that I gave up and went to make my chart of where i’m planting everything.
I’ve been having weird dreams. From dreaming about finding bowling balls (I am on the look out for bowling balls for a friend when I go thrifting), to my last one where my hair was falling out in clumps. Its just weird and somewhat terrifying. Then I woke up with the song “three blind mice” stuck in my head. What the crap people?! I just don’t know. But anyways i’m gonna have to go and get hopefully a lot of reading done soon. Hope you all are well.. if there is anyone out there at all.

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old…or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today’s Wild Card Insight Notes author is:

and the book:

Zondervan; Special edition (March 19, 2013)
***Special thanks to Rick Roberson for sending me a review copy.***


Lysa TerKeurst is a New York Times bestselling author and national speaker who helps everyday women live an adventure of faith. She is the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, author of 15 books, and encourages nearly 500,000 women worldwide through a daily online devotional. Her remarkable life story has captured audiences across America, including appearances on Oprah and Good Morning America. She lives in North Carolina with her husband and five children.

Visit the author’s website.


This Bible will help you live up to your God-given potential. Insightful daily devotions written by the women at Proverbs 31 Ministries help you maintain life’s balance in spite of today’s hectic pace. Dive into the beauty and clarity of the NIV Bible text paired with daily devotions crafted by women just like you—women who want to live authentically and fully grounded in the Word of God.

Product Details:
List Price: $34.99
Hardcover: 1536 pages
Publisher: Zondervan; Special edition (March 19, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0310439361
ISBN-13: 978-0310439363

My Thoughts:

i didn’t really know what to expect with this bible. i’ve never had a bible like that. but at the same time its not really anything that really blew me away.



Oh boy oh boy has a lot been going on.

So tired of the drama, of people overreacting with things in my family. I think its calmed down now. My grandpa is finally home from the hospital he was supposed to go to a rehab facility but he refused cause he has bad memories of those places. So hes at home and I guess a home healthcare worker will come to check on them.
Last week my mom had to go to urgent care, was diagnosed with vertigo she had to stay home from work all week.
I’ve also had the retainers I have (I had braces when I was a teenager and still wear my retainers) have issues and one has a hole in it so I have to go get those replaced. Thank goodness I found a place to make them and its where I used to go for my braces but that orthodontist doesn’t have that practice anymore. But it all worked out have an appointment. But ugh so annoying.
In better news my foot/ankle is getting better! I’m so happy it is not feeling as horrible as it did. It still hurts slightly. Its been 5 weeks now. But at least i’m on the mend.
I dunno there seems to be a whole lot going on and a ton of anxiety and I dunno its just crazy. And I don’t even know what to say or write about.
I guess the relationship with the boy is getting better. Hes had a lot of homework lately hes in the home stretch with school. I have a bunch of anxiety about the job situation because we don’t really know whats happening with his contracted job right now and then he finishes school in the summer. So who knows i’m just trying to trust that things will be alright.
Well thats about all I can think of to blog about right now.

Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you’re most afraid of

I have a bunch of things i’m afraid of. Some rational some irrational.
Spiders (hate them)
I also hate cockroaches but we don’t have them here.
I fear dying sometimes
I also get so scared that someone is gonna steal my car.
I worry/am afraid of when the boy is out late. I always think of getting robbed/beat up/shot. But I have been robbed before so that may be why my mind goes to that.
I also am afraid of flying. But I’ve done it, with clenched hands on the arm rests. 
thats about all i can think of. probably a good thing, if i thought of more i may have anxiety.

Day 5: Friend love


Day 5, Sunday: Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don’t have blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or even a family member

well i don’t have any blogger friends really yet. so i will go with in real life friends. and i’m doing three because i can’t choose. 
first up is my dear friend mike:


i’ve known mike for a long long time. we met in a chatroom for the band five iron frenzy. and since then we were pretty much bffs. now we don’t talk as much. he lives in canada and i’m in seattle. after i had graduate from high school. another friend who i also met through that chatroom and i went to canada together. and we stayed for almost three weeks. it was amazing to be with my best friends. i loved it. he was my first kiss. now that was almost 10 years ago. and now mike and i talk talk as often but hes still one of my dearest friends. we pick up where we left off and we also share the same birthday hes just 5 years older. i love him dearly.

next is another dear friend colin:

i’ve known colin about the same time as mike. also from the same chatroom. we always clicked and it was always an easy friendship. we’ve been through a lot. i talk to him more often than i do mike. but we’ve been through interesting times. we bicker for one thing haha its pretty funny. but we also got robbed at gunpoint together with 3 other friends. we were mimicking it after it happened in that picture.  i haven’t seen him in a few years because he lives in oregon. hopefully soon we will see each other again.

and last but not least. is justin my boyfriend:

i don’t know how long ago we met but we first met on the messageboard for five iron frenzy. same band for all of those friends. it brings people together haha. i never would have dreamed that i would have ended up with him. its somewhat still weird. we’ve been through a lot in our relationship and its still somewhat rocky. there are things i don’t like to think about that have happened but reality is that they have happened and we have to push through. and we have. at times our relationship is easy but at times its also really really hard. but i love him, he is my best friend and i’m super grateful to have him.


just a few things.

I just wanted to blog some my opinions and get them out cause, well I have no real reason.
One thing I don’t like is when full figured girls like myself (not me though) don’t cover themselves up and they are spilling out everywhere. Geez its crazy.
And I don’t like when people constantly cause conflict a nd blame everyone else and don’t even talk in a calm manor. This is happening right now within my extended family.
I don’t like the yelling and I don’t like the drama and I dont’ want to be involved which is why I stay away from all of them.
And for that matter I don’t think drinking is a solution to anything. (also in my family)
and neither is fighting (my cousin tried to fight my other cousin at the hospital the other day and security came)
thats about all I have to say about that. My family is losing it and i’m totally sane haha. I guess thats what happens when you don’t freak out all the time.
Well today I have to go to a friends kids birthday party and then errands after that. Its beautiful. But I over did it with the fact that I could wear flip flops again so now my foot is bruised up more haha. Oh bother. It was getting way better though. Blah. I’ll survive.

Day 3: Things that make you uncomfortable


For the blogging challenge today. The topic is “Things that make you uncomfortable” haha this one is great.
I get super uncomfortable when people stand really close to the back of me. I don’t have any personal space and it bothers me. And really it freaks me out.
It also makes me uncomfortable when people stare at me. Like the other day I was driving home with the boy and there was this super creepy man that stared at us in the car. He looked really evil.
And sometimes it makes really uncomfortable when people tell me things or joke about things of a sexual nature. Its something you should keep to yourself! Don’t tell me!

Day 2: Education


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Day 2, Thursday: Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you’d like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)

Something i’m really great at is being introverted. i’ve always been that way as long as i can remember. there was a time in my life where i would go do a lot of stuff and be with a lot of people. but i was never loud and i never really talked much. its just how i am and i don’t have a problem with it.

but with being such an introvert comes with the fact that you don’t have many friends, you rarely do anything. and you have no one to talk to.

while i’m great at it i am not always fond of it. i’d love to have some friends i talk to online or text with. but that just doesn’t happen. and sometimes its really depressing. especially when you are introverted on the freakin Internet. i mean how scary is that! you just don’t see anyone you type. and yet i still have zero friends. its hard to just break into that whole circle i guess. 


Blog every day in May day 1: 250 word life story

I’ve seen talk about this may blogging challenge. And I figured what the heck?! At the last minute i’ll get on this blog challenge. So the first post is a 250 word life story.
I was born, raised and still live in the lovely town of west seattle, washington. I still live in the same house and room as i’ve always lived. I still live with my parents which for most people would get annoying but for me I don’t mind. I try to find work as nanny, but right now just babysit. As a child I had a pretty great childhood. There were hard times like my brother getting cancer when I was 9 years old, then not long after that I ended up in the intensive care for asthma. Which was really an allergic reaction to chlorine. I never had many friends growing up, that did carry on throughout my whole live. A few friends is better than none or really crappy ones. When I was teenager I got into christian chatrooms and band message boards. I met a lot of my best and dearest friends on those and I still have those precious friendships now. One of them happens to be my boyfriend! So thats pretty awesome. I was never one of those teenagers that caused their parents havoc, always been quiet, always liked to read and craft. Mostly like to stay at home, watch tv and do the above mentioned activities. I would love to have blogging friends but i’m sure it will happen in time. Thanks for reading!
Word count is: 229!

the cancer/chlorine things are all fine. he  has been cancer free for 19 years. and i just don’t go in chlorine. sorry for not including that!


I have a bit of craft frustration.

I’ve been trying to get this big granny square afghan up and done. But every time I start and restart it just never works. I know how to make a granny square but when I get to the 9th round no matter what it gets all crazy and deformed.
I’ve tried basically everything it does it no matter what. Its super disappointing. And I don’t know how to fix it. So I guess I just can’t do it at all. I tried even doing it in a circle and still it went all cockeyed.
I am so frustrated with it all that I am just not gonna crochet for awhile and focus on reading books instead. But crap I wanted to get this stupid project done and its not working for the life of me! Ughhhh I hate that. Anyone else have that happen?

the joys of family…

I have written about my family issues before. This weekend more are happening!
My grandma is totally losing it. My grandpa still isn’t better has fluid on the lungs. My aunt (that isn’t blood and kinda drives everyone nuts) has been going with my grandparents to the doctor appointments. Found out because grandma is taking bits and pieces of things and making up her own account of what has been said.
Its like she doesn’t want to admit things are happening. But she also doesn’t seem like she cares that much. I dunno what her deal Is but its going crazy around here.
Saturday my aunt called mom saying that my uncle took grandpa to the hospital again because he can’t breathe pretty much at all since he has so much fluid in his lungs and its freaking him out. So that was that. And my mom is usually the one that no one contacts or pays attention to at all for whatever reason. My uncle got onto my grandma about the fact that she wasn’t calling my mom about this. He got REALLY mad at her. He asked grandma if she was going to call mom and shes all no I’ll call her tonight. And hes like “no mom don’t you understand how important this is?!” so for once someone vouched for my mom which is good but weird. I dunno shes going super insane, I dunno what my grandma is thinking or feeling but now shes playing the victim. Mom went to the hospital and then her brother motioned to her to come talk to him. And he was totally melting down and talking to my mom which NEVER happens. So its just really weird but I guess its good. But now grandma thinks mom and my uncle are conspiring against her. I dunno its all blowing my mind honestly. Now shes going back to not talking to mom at all for whatever reason. I think she thinks everyone wants to take all her stuff. Which is stupid cause one thing most of her “stuff” is crap. But there are no plans in place for anything. They are getting older and no one knows anything. Its between mom and my uncle. My other aunt isn’t even in control of her own medical decisions cause of her MS. Oh golly its just a huge mess. And my granny is going off the deep end. I hope she snaps out of it. Cause my great grandma had to be institutionalized I never knew her. But she had major issues and that’s just what happened.
I just wish my grandma cared or anything. She doesn’t seem like she cares about anything. She kinda doesn’t have any type of maternal bone in her body. Which is hard. But its also hard when she mixes everything up then gets super defensive. Thats part of the reason why I don’t want to go see her at all. I mean its not like she was ever a grandma to me. We didn’t do anything with her. She sat us in front of the TV and that was that. Oi what a great big mess.
If anyone feels inclined to pray for my grandpa/family that would be great.